i feel like i just want to give up, what is happening to me? i feel like the months i've spent at the clinic have been in vain and im not going to get the hlp i need from them, the medicines are wacky and dont help with my problems.. i dont want to rely on medication, i want to be clear minded again and not have to worry about appointments, medicine, doctors, over dosing and everything

i feel like im just running in circles going to the clinic; not getting anywhere or making any progress, i am extremely quiet and reserved and i feel lke exploring all these feelings and pointing fingers at causes is only making things worse for me.. i just want some relief and im feeling like i should quit seeing the therapist and hide

why is it that we have to take medicine, especially if its not helping..
what am i supposed to do since im lost and not receiving the help i need
how am i supposed to progress when i feel like this
will things ever improve..? i feel totally overwhelmed and drained..
i'm afraid and just want to hide so i can go back to being myself
im afraid of medications changing me , and then becoming dependent on medicines

what am i supposed to do

i dont want to take so many medicines.. why can't i take just 1 pill in the morning?
why cant i just be Rxd a stimulant to stimulate me out of depression and give me motivation and aspiration to move foraward?

i just don't know what to do anymore and feel like the longer i go like this the more confused im getting, the less help im receiving, the harder everything gets

i miss my old self, even if i was depressed severely... maybe ignorance reallly is bliss