Thanks so much for all the sharing!

I really relate to that last part of your OP, hugsfromajellyfish. I am married to the undisputed love-of-my-life/best friend/soul mate, with whom I have been all-consumingly in love etc. Yet there have been times I could not feel any love at all. At first it was after real or perceived let down by him or an 'unsuccessful fight', so I wasn't too worried about not feeling loving. But more recently, when I came to recognise that some of my 'stuff' was pretty inordinate and he was really trying to reach me, I was utterly devastated that I could not find feelings of love for this man and could even get very good at seeing him in a rather nasty light and as though he had caused it by emotionally/romantically abandoning me.

Only lately, with better understanding of BPD in myself, was I able realise that the trait of swinging from idealizing to demonising could occur within a stable relationship and that was all it was.

So thank you for sharing that, hugsfromajellyfish, cos I've been really curious as to whether other BPDers experienced that. (Good thing was, once I realised that, I also discovered I could will myself toward bits of lovingness and thereby give him something to build on and thereby build up my feelings, rather than expect him to turn it all back on by himself!)