Just as this song "I know it's a wonderful world, but I can't feel it right now",I am doing horribly today. If I could find the courage to end myself I would so do it. I am so tired of my memories and my sadness. I don't want to feel anymore and I don't want to remember. How can I stop remembering?
Ideas pop into my head, like throwing my car either left or right while I'm driving, or biking in front of a bus.......a slip.....like an accident. And then I think of my parents, I get so pissed off with the idea of having to go on existing in this pathetic life only because I don't want to hurt my parents. Honestly, this is the only force that stops me. The idea of them crying for me is something I cannot bear. Most of the time I exist in the most unafraid state only because I am challenging my life to finally bring me my end, my release. I am so tired of remembering.