If you're talking about the post you left on the Dear T thread, I get exactly what you are saying. I am like that intermittently with my T, and just told her that at our last appointment. I sometimes hate that she cares and am so confused by it, and it makes me want to run so fast in the opposite direction. But then I come back because I have no real reason to run. And then I get too close and run again. Over and over. It's exhausting and difficult. Right now, I have swung back around to running and trying to convince myself that I wouldn't care if she abandoned me, and yet also knowing I would be devastated and being so afraid of that. It's really hard.