My t says I have one of the toughest smiles he has ever come across. Said it's going to take a lot to break it. I've been with him for almost 2 years already and the smile is just as strong.

I've had to tell my pdoc that I hide behind my smile just so that she knows I'm more than what she sees in front of her. Telling her I'm very depressed and anxious with a smile on my face and joking around with her, seems quite wrong. So I've worked with my t on how to put the smile away or at least be able to tell my pdoc what's going on. I did so at my last appt. I know she can read notes from my t also, so he sent one talking about my hiding behind my smile so that I could get the help that I need. That certainly helped too.

I wear the same smile here at home. I hope to get to the point someday when I can put the smile away and be the real me. Just not sure who that is anymore. I've had others tell me (after learning of my diagnoses) they had no clue. That I'm always so happy and cheerful. Life is so exhausting pretending to be something that I'm not. I also look at it as my coping mechanism.

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