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Thank you for having the courage to share your story! I very much relate and you describe it eloquently. Sometimes it is hard for me to summarize, pick out the over-ridding themes amidst the chaos. You presented it so well and clearly. Thank you.
Presentation: Your words are also my experience, tthough different circumstances. At times, I still feel so amazed how similar our perpetrators are. When I start thinking "maybe he wasn't so bad" - I read such similar experiences that give me the self validation that this type of abuse deserves.The Idealised Parental Figure. Absolutely
The Guru Absolutely
The Maverick Absolutely
Manipulation: Slow and consistent. Drawing me in to relationships with others under his spell, isolating me, inviting me into his inner circle. Spinning situations with others and with me. Presented as if not only that he knew the problem, but also that he held all of the answers. Absolutely "yes" to all of the below:
The Inner Circle
Divide and Conquer
You'll Never Get Better Without Me
Sexualisation:
I ended it before it got there, but I do know that he was grooming me, and I feel as if I was being prepped to be his second or next wife. Wife priming. He was super careful with the sexual stuff, but it started to creep out towards the end. While I rationalized away most of it, my body also felt very uncomfortable with it.
The Aftermath - Realisation and Subsequent Emotional Effects:
When I started to talk to others about what had been going on (no longer keeping his secrets, breaking out of his emotional blackmail) I felt blind sided. Side swept by how manipulated I had been, how abused, how perpetrated. Obviously, no one wants to blindly find themselves in those shoes. And I also felt so much loss and grief. The aftermath is something that thankfully evolves over time, but it is no easy path. I would say that life is better now that my soul is tied more to me.
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