I am in the same boat. 20 years of treatment. Been on every drug there is. Depressed since the seventh grade. Depression has gotten worse as I got older to the point I feel I can no longer work. I am 50 years old and have had to accept this disease and learn how to manage it. Sometimes that means just being depressed and riding it out. I cycle in and out. I have given up at times but through the encouragement of friends and family have always managed to reach out for help once again. It seems just the act of doing something about it gives me hope. Have had to switch meds try different combinations ect ect. Currently I am not depressed so there is hope. Keep rolling and ride it out. I believe we have to give ourselves permission to be depressed.