Hello
I have battled with depression for 10+ years. It began with the death of my only child. Since then life has been nothing but disappointment. So many "friends" disappeared. I guess I was just too depressed for them. I was on medication initially then off for years. I got back on briefly last year. I just have never been the same.
I decided to go back to something that helped me through for a long time-exercising. I found a class I was motivated to attend and it was going well for a few months. Then my vehicle broke down.
I also had been making an effort to make some new friends and join some groups through meetup.com. That had also been going well until my vehicle broke down.
I really don't have too many friends that I can pick up the phone and talk to when I'm down. My sister is several years younger than me and we used to be best friends. She has changed a lot and we are no longer as close. That is a really great source of pain and emptiness for me.
Then there is the hurt from 2 past relationships. One took me an entire year to stop crying. And it turned my home into a place that is on its way to an episode of hoarders. The other relationship still has ties due to my ex's child still wanting to be a part of my life. So that creates complications because I promised the child I would always be around. My ex isn't so open to that at the moment but I'm unsure of the reason.
Anyway, I'm just a mess. I go to work and come home. I watch tv until its time for bed then get up and do it all over again every single day. I don't like where I am or who I am right now.