Hi, again I'd say that you really shouldn't beat yourself up! You saw past the way you reacted and touched base on what he really means to you and what you mean to him. Maybe just talk to him, apologize and try feeling a bit more secure in the relationship?
It's clear you have feelings for him so try not to let thoughts like that stand in your way. If they come again just try walking away from them.
And congrats!! A dozen red roses!!!
Alison