Mandy, this happened to me. a gun and a knife. and an 'if you tell anyone ..." and i was tied to a stair rail. I felt so helpless and afraid.

My long term goal for so long was just one thing -- to numb the fear, the pain, the not being able to trust anyone or anything. And I was very self destructive trying desperately to hide inside myself. The gun and the knife and the screaming and the hitting, they stay with me and they have held me back. I've made a lot of progress, but even today, decades later, I wanted nothing more than to be alone and safe in my living room, while still feeling so lonely that I wanted nothing more than to be ABLE to go out and be with people. My long term goal now is to make my life more complete one day and one little bit at a time. For so very long, that gun really kept me from being able to reach for that goal.

I'm sorry we share so horrible a past, but we can be safe and not alone now, and we can set forth on a new journey, without the fear.

be well,

mtd