Hi, Sept.....
I don't know what to say because I'm afraid, because I sort of feel this way about an experience with me too, and I'm not ready to share yet.

I admire your courage to share this with us, I want you to know that mostly...

I feel shame with this confusion and it has interfered with my sex life/partners and that adds to the confusion and I am afraid to get too personal on that.

Also, my t says things surface when we are ready to deal with them or face them and whatever feelings/emotions this brings. She also says that throughout the changes I'll see in my life, I will face this same issue at many times, from many vantage points so it never really goes away.....just our view changes of the issue and maybe our responses.

Don't question the why now, know you are strong enough and ready to sift through all of it, whatever it is you feel. I believe this is why it's showing itself to you now.

Take care of you