I sent an email to Pdoc outlining how bad my depression had gotten. I'd only seen him in session a few days ago, and we went over it a little bit then, but I was really disconnected because of the heat we've been having here and I didn't feel like I really got across how bad things actually are at the moment. So I decided to email him notes for our next session early, to give him time to read them, and I admitted that not only was the depression more than a little bad, I'd been feeling more and more suicidal and had actually had a spontaneous plan/urge come over me in a disassociative state that I almost ended up carrying out.

Now I feel like I've just bothered him for no reason. He's already copping enough grief over having me as a longer term patient than what the stupid Government overseers of the clinic think, and reading back through the email I just feel like I'm whining about a whole lot of nothing and adding to his already busy workload and stress. I know it's part of his job, and he needs to know this sort of info, I just feel bad for bothering him. My depression is making me feel like a huge burden to everyone right now, this is just feeding into that.