I'm so sorry for what you've had to experience. But seriously your first step has to be to get rid of him (whatever his problems). By being with him, you're allowing yourself to be treated less than equally in the relationship and whatever your past you deserve that in the very least.
Perhaps your past has led you to believe, in a way, that you aren't worth more than this and your feelings don't matter as much, but you ARE and they DO!!
The situation you're in is maybe perpetuating some of the feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness (?) so now you HAVE to put yourself first.
AND about YOU, do you think you might need a bit more help with what you experienced in your childhood, obviously things like that just don't go away. Have you anyone you can/do talk to about it? Do you think you might need some (more?) professional help? or maybe look at support groups?
Here for you if you want to talk more though....................
Alison