Went to my T today... he is amazing! He put a lot of things into perspective for me. I feel better about a few of the things that I was obsessing over during the past few days. He upped my Lexapro to 15mg a day for the next three weeks. I should have convinced my family that I needed an appointment months ago.

I was told to continue with the 6mg of Lexotanil at night during the next three weeks too. Hopefully the upped Lexapro will help help until my next appointment. The plan is to go down to 3mg of the Lexotanil if I feel better, then taper off until I'm done with it. Will also probably go back to 10mg of lexapro once the crisis is over.

He was pretty positive when I told him I was reading Feeling Good by David Burns. Although he said that it is great to do things to help myself, I shouldnt put all of my hopes on the techniques of one book, mostly to avoid feeling badly if I dont enjoy it. What do you guys think?

Will continue to try and accomplish the "real world" tasks once a day. We'll see how that goes.

We had a good long talk about my break up. We basically concluded that I was not getting what I needed, that I should have ended things earlier, and that I probably freaked out because I was refusing to admit that another realtionship had failed. I called it failure, he called it "reality check". There was a lot more to that conversation but it would take ages to describe, but I'm ok with how it all went.

I spoke with ex via text today, just a basic happy valentines day. Nothing more. I hope that this semi positive attitude merges with the extra meds to pull me out of this. Until then, I was advised not to speak with ex again. My T told me to write an email with all of my feelings towards ex every time I had felt compulsion to text, and instead of senting it to ex, id send it to the T. I thought that was a really cool idea.

I hate having to accept that depression is a part of who I am. I wish I didnt have to take meds, they will probably be a permanent part of my life and it really bothers me. I also hate that I'm so thin skinned, I feel like everyone else is made of stone and I'm more like a marshmallow. Speaking of which, my stomach went on strike today and forced me to eat, but I've lost 5 kilos so far. Hope to actually enjoy food again soon.

Sorry for the long post, a lot happened in my little head today :P