I felt grumpy almost the all day...then I got realy mentaly tired, when I get real tired I feel sick like if I got flue...but is just an head fealing...not aches but almost that.
I have 3 post-its around me saying no distrations, my sister saw it on the last Shameless epidose, don't feel in the mood to watch it even two days ago I was somehow excited with the idea. Post-its don't work at all. In my defense I could say that I read the most boring lesson I have ever read...and I remember some particular boring, until anyoing.
Now I have got here and read some post and get low. I just feel like standing still with no thoughts.
Some minutes ago I had the vision of my future. And it feels realy scaring. I thought for the first time that I realy want to emigrate to some other country. This new laws are just killing me (like seriously?!!!). Once in my life I though that I could have any job I want...but now I feel like leave the ship before it sinks. I realy like to run away from reality, hate to have obligations and face them. The problem is that I probably would become a homeless...terrific. I had a friend somewhere in the past that told me that I would be like a city lunatic because I studied too much I'm thinking on take it seriously. He also said me that I didn't like nothing...so many years ago...and I seem and I though I was happy by then, now I can see I wasn't and by that time I was always frustrated because I couldn't feel sad. The first time I realize my sad feelings were to much volatil ???) I was 7 so...just lovely. Are my meds working somehow? Now I just can eat when I'm hungry and not to much...I feel realy full. I used to ate food as a way to calm me down when I was anxious. I just like don't the fact they make me eat it all...feels so much like when I was a child, very nice times, perhaps yes, perhaps not...maybe they were at the same time the better and the worst times of my life. I don't know what will come next...but I guess I'm imune to all sort of things...
Thinking if therapy would help me any way? (cinical smile...) I just don't know if I can make someone help me. I felt so fake today, why can't I interact with the world without feeling fake. It's like I'm faking even when no body it's watching me... I just said this hundreds of times so it's better not to say it at loud, as anybody can't stand hear me saying this, but I have a bad feeling about the next exam. Some day my preditions have to come true...