Well sadly, it's not so much about you needing to know everything (or not), it's more that he shouldn't need to hide anything. Secrets are terrible for a relationship! I haven't read one thing here to show that he is committed to your marriage moving forward? I understand that you love him, but that by no means is equal to a good relationship, and the mess with his ex-wife proves that he is completely untrustworthy. You seem to be focusing on the actions of his ex-wife when you should hold him accountable for his. You don't "slip up" and accidentally video chat with someone, never mind him cheating on you for years. Is he a good father?