You've written my scenario- how'd you do that?

I know exactly what you mean, and I believe a lot of it has to do with unpredictable, unreliable parents.

I have done a year of intense therapy, maybe 300 hours. I find this issue is easing.... just a little bit. Trying to surrender to my sense of neediness and let her be there for me helps, but it is an anxiety-inducing situation either way, after the relief comes anxiety again sooner or later. It does seem to be getting more comfortable over time though, as our attachment solidifies and my progress stabilizes some.