I would comment that this might be good opportunity for you to consider what you're hoping for and what your priorities are. Is he feeling pressure from you? What is the level of mess? Are there some small steps that you, or he, could both of you, could agree on, in order to deal with the messes, or to maybe re-consider how significant the messes are? Just a thought - when my former partner had a different approach to housecleaning (non-existent), or dish-washing (leave it until it's convenient) - I realized that he aimed to enjoy life first, and do the dishes later - and I'm ok with that approach. And although I believe that it's a good idea for both to share tasks, if it bothers you so much then maybe do it yourself. I lost my partner, and really would prefer to have kept this otherwise very fine person (mess and all), who was so kind-hearted, helpful, and generous in other ways.