well, i did something i was trying hard not to give into which is alcohol. i'm drunk now to feel numb like i wanted but yet i did the very thing against my goal. i gave in to the feeling of need i had for it. i wanted to be numb to feelings, wanted to escape but i fail keeping this promise of staying away from alcohol. this makes me kinda disappointed in myself. but at the metime , deep down i don't want to give up the alcohol for the reason that it's my comfort and i've become reliant on it.