Quote:
Originally Posted by IndestructibleGirl
I used to really despise myself for wanting reassurance, and argued with my therapist that I felt like I was 'winning' if I didn't let myself reach out and ask for it, except of course I wasn't winning at anything - I was simply withdrawing from her a bit and pretending all was fine and making myself act in the way I thought I should act.
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I do this. All. The. Time. I pull away because that quells my anxiety. If I don't care whether she's close, then I am not anxious about it. Problem solved. Instead of reaching out (which she encourages me to do), I run from her. I just feel like eventually she is going to give up and come to the conclusion that I will never be better. And then she will quit. And I do hate myself for needing to be reassured of something I
should know by now. I try not to feed my own need for reassurance because I don't want to get used to being reassured. It's a complicated desire to make sure I stay independent and not needing others. But it just gets in the way of everything.
Quote:
Originally Posted by IndestructibleGirl
Then she explained it to me like this - that some of the most brilliant people look for reassurance because they genuinely want to learn something that is really important to them - that how we master something is seeking consistency in others offering us feedback and reassurance. She likened it to Tiger Woods  who is obviously one of the best at what he does, (in his words) not because he was born a brilliant golfer, but because he continually seeks out people to be coached by, to help him reflect on his learning and maintain mastery.
This really helped me come to terms with my reassurance seeking - now I just suck it up and ask for it when I get to that anxious place of doubt or incredulity that she is still here, without also berating myself (well, much) for asking in the first place. |
I don't know if I can accept that for myself. I feel like I don't deserve to be reassured or comforted. Like I'm not "good enough" for it. I deserve for her to leave me and give up on me, not maintain her care and be consistent. It's messing with my head.
Thank you for this response. Hopefully, I can get there eventually.