I'm sorry you are having such a hard time. I understand about wanting to escape and feel numb from the pain. I'm sure I don't really know how you feel though. We all want and need comfort don't we? It is a terrible thing to need alcohol or any drug. But it's not really the booze that you want. Physically you become addicted, but the mental part I think is something that can be worked on. Personally, I feel that that drugs and alcohol are just a "filler" they complete the missing piece of the puzzle that is you. It is really something else that you are looking for. Not the alcohol.

But where is that missing piece or pieces of the puzzle? Where do you find what you need? It is different for us all. That is why drug and alcohol rehab is so difficult. The answers are buried deep within each individual. Even after you think you've found the answer, there may be other issues that need exploring. Like the domino effect. One link gets pushed to its limit and falls down but it affects the next link and so on. It's not always one factor to consider. It takes time and people to support you. I hope you have someone supporting you. Do you have a counselor? A sponsor or buddy? It can be a great help to share your pain and struggles with someone who understands YOU and your specific situation. You had a slip but it is o.k. you can get back on track again. This is one of the most difficult struggles for anyone to overcome. You will have another chance to get there just keep trying.