Hi, well it is really good that you feel able to talk about things on here, and that must take a lot of strength. As for not following your therapists advise and marrying your now husband, what's done is done. I'm sure most of us haven't followed advise that was good for us or done things that are really not in our best interests at times and your past probably had a massive impact on your decision. If only logic was always easy to follow, eh!!
But what really matters now is where you go from here. Now you have a chance to move away and not continue to be dragged even further down by your husband. I know that may not be easy but you've been through so much already and you deserve so much more than this. And you've shown some serious strength to have endured what you have so it can be in you to start making changes. One step at a time........?
So YOU first!!! It's a great start that you'd like to talk about what happened as it's obviously/understandably effecting you so deeply but if a T is out of the question then maybe you could have a think about contacting a/some helpline/s?? As I don't know where you are (and that's OK) I've put a couple of national (?) links below:
RAINN.org | RAINN | Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network
Weighing The Facts: Sexual Abuse: Hotlines, Organizations, Websites
I know that's probably going to be a big step for you but you can take it all at your own pace and as slowly or as quickly as you'd like.
AND, of course....still here for you if you want to talk a bit more about it here.............
Alison