I don't know what to do anymore.

I'm just waiting each day for the next to begin. Not out of excitement, but because im praying there will somehow be a change. When I realize that a sudden change will never happen, I think that death is my only option. Not because of that fact that I think the world is better off without me, but because it just hurts so much. I just want to scream and cry all the time. When I wake up every morning I think about when I'll have a wave of depression or anxiety again. i look at myself wholly, and see a good person, but I pick out all my flaws one by one until all I am is a hollow excuse of a human. I always look for help, but I know that it is just an excuse to feel better, until I feel horrible again. It is always. Going. To. Be. Useless.