I don't think that your e-mail was impulsive - I think that it was very honest and brave and I'm glad that you let your T know about it...
In fact I can relate to some parts of it...for instance, my T's being so caring also scares me and even makes me a bit angry, like every cell of my body is protesting and just saying "no, no, no..." - sorry I don't know how to explain it and why it is how it is...
But as HazelGirl has asked, why are you going to disappear?!