Hey Lilly, EVERYONE needs/wants help at times (even if they don't make that clear). So absolutely don't feel bad about that. And you DO deserve it!! There's got to be a part of you which knows that too, as you have tried!
I don't know but...do you think your head's screaming at you when you've tried to get help because you haven't found anyone who really helps yet, feeling you're let down/worse afterwards, or maybe because you don't feel you really deserve help??
Maybe a good place to start?? But if you're thinking that people aren't going to understand anyway, some may not BUT for others if you can talk about things just a little bit more, then a little more..........you may be able to help them understand......all at your own pace though.
Would you have anyone you could ask to go with you to appointments as well? Someone you could firstly talk to about the things you want to say (and that doesn't have to be everything at first) then if you freeze or the psychiatrist deflects anything they could "have your back" and speak up for you.
But otherwise just tell the psychiatrist when you're not thinking straight/having trouble saying what you want, so as he doesn't just go along with "appearances" and can maybe put you at ease or find ways to support you in pulling things together and say what's underneath those thoughts.
Now just give yourself the credit you deserve (because there's SO much more to you) and have your head shout that right back at you!!
And, this is probably way out but...........distractions......cleaning (?????) then when your housemates get back they're really going to "owe you one"????? That would be if you're desperate for/run out of distractions of course!!
Alison