I realized one of the larger sources of my anxiety is an obsession over past situations that I perceive as failures. It's not an obsession in the sense that I'm intentionally spending large amounts of time revisiting former scenarios or decisions. It's more along the lines that when I'm nostalgic, I experience these deep pangs of remorse that bring my mood down and make me feel hopeless, paralyzed, and unworthy. These memories include moments when I was euphorically happy, moments when I was unreasonably angry during a fight, moments when I was totally physically and mentally wiped after a long and fulfilling day, moments when I should have put aside my pride, moments when I didn't have enough pride to stand up for myself, and even moments when I was just simply... not feeling or thinking about anything while looking out onto a beautiful landscape.
At first, I attributed this to my tendency towards perfectionism; every perceived mistake, misstep, or mishandling of a situation was a mark against me. I've since accepted that failures are not only normal, but also important for personal growth. This makes me wonder... where does this emotional reaction come from? The deep shame that accompanies the memory of a mistake, or the realization that things were better in a past place and time?
Is it ever right to act on these feelings?
There are times when the pangs of remorse incite a strong conviction that if I reach out to that person who I wronged, or to the person by whom I was wronged, I'll find relief and be able to move on. Perhaps to replace the former memory with one of closure and balance. Would I really gain strength from this kind of confrontation, or is it something I have to work on internally?