Well, she is sick so maybe her thinking is a little bit clouded. I really wasn't upset with her laughing. I just wanted to make sure she understood that this was really real and serious for me. Maybe it seemed melodramatic because I can be ridiculous from now and again. I can even understand laughing and finding it cute if I was sick and a friend was really worried about me and I didn't know that she actually thought I died.

Maybe I should be upset with her laughing. She kinda completely stood me up and then essentially laughed at me when I told her I was scared. But I'm just not. I just feel like she didn't understand the gravity of what I experienced last night. I kinda told her sort of. It just didn't really hit her. That's why I sent her what I wrote. I sometimes feel like she hears 100% of 75% of what I tell her if that makes any sense. I say a lot of things and this probably just got lost because I presented it as "oh I was really worried about you when you didn't respond but I know I was just reliving losing my teacher" because I didn't want her to feel bad about how I was actually hysterical last night. So I was the one who was too cavalier about it.

Maybe I shouldn't be making excuses for her but I love her and I really think she has my best interest at heart. I don't really care if she messes up because she doesn't have to be perfect. She just has to be there and yeah I guess she wasn't last night when she said she would, but I know she would have been if she could. I don't know if I sound reasonable or being reasonable or if I sound like a battered wife making excuses for her abusive husband. But not at all that extreme because I don't think she is abusing me at all but I couldn't think of something more appropriate. A child under complete control of someone older maybe. But it doesn't matter really because she'll figure this out.