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Originally Posted by twinarmageddons
I have been attracted to girls since I was 10 years old, and would fantasize about them, and still do from time to time, until I have had this complete and utter aversion to sexual things recently; which is an entirely different story. I got out of a 3-year relationship a couple of months ago, and in the last 4 months or so there was severe strife over me refusing to get intimate.
I still am attracted to boys as well, but the thing is, I could never admit I am bisexual to anyone, and would be scared to ever get into a relationship with another female. In fact, I don't even really admit to myself that I'm bisexual. It's like my mind would just rather not process it, so I don't think about it that often until feelings show up. I wouldn't ever know what to do or how to even function. Not to mention I am a Christian. I am Methodist, so our church gladly accepts gays and stuff, but I still can't describe the shame I feel! And especially the extreme sense of guilt I would feel if I ever were to get into a relationship with a female.
A week or two ago, I met these two girls at a convention and they had some of the same exact interests as me! It was so cool, i've never met anyone with the same interests! I have severe social anxiety disorder, and was able to open up to them quite a bit, which is saying something. They were both transgender, and it turns out, I felt somewhat smitten towards one of them in particular. Not really sexually too much, just in a lovey sort of way. She (He) had a boyfriend though, so obviously that was just a silly thing in my head anyways. What made matters worse??
I found out she was 13 going on 14. I am 17 going on 18. Both of them looked my age, but obviously looks can be deceiving. So now not only do I feel like a weirdo (no I do not think gays or bisexuals are weird, and have had many friends who are, but I just find it weird for me.), but also a pedophile. Ughhhh!
I can't even believe I'm admitting this here, but I figured I might as well get these feelings out there....never talked to anyone anywhere about this, so. Yeah. Sigh.
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Don't be ashamed....you are who you are and need to live your own life...it's not always easy for anyone. I knew i liked girls at the age of 12 and had a puppy love romance with a girl at that age. I married a man at 20 and still had it in my mind i also liked girls. Well along came this fabulous woman at the age of 27 for me, and i had an affair with her. It totally threw a wrench into my marriage. I couldn't stop and he wanted me to, I stayed my ground and ruined my marriage in the process. We are now 26 years later after my divorce and the breakup of my female relationship too! I have been alone for so long and don't date anyone, although through the years i have been sexual with men. I still know i am bisexual but have not pursued any females to date.
What i am saying is accept who you are, and don't try to be someone you might not be able to be your entire life, be honest with whatever partner you have and make it clear you like both sexes and live what happens. By the way, i also have 2 daughters and am so happy i had that part of my life, so i am thankful for that and i am a grandmother of 6. The loss of my marriage was a very very difficult thing for me, but i also had to be myself and have the relationship with the woman too. Accept who you are and good luck. Be true to yourself and don't be afraid. We all have our trials in life.