I couldn't express myself. Its like I went blank when he asked me how bipolar affects me. All I found myself saying was how I behave a bit when Im depressed/manic. Im kicking myself so hard. Im feeling really down right now even thinking about it, but what can I do now?

How does it affect me? HOW?! I quit jobs or get fired. Ive met guys from online and done things I am NOT proud to admit. I cry. A lot. I get stressed out working and have panic attacks and have to lock myself away in closets to be alone from embarrassment! I buy razorblades and bandages and hurt myself on breaks at work or during work in the bathroom. I hate it. I can't even be bipolar right. I feel so awful. I don't sleep for days...I don't eat...I don't stop talking or moving or doing. Its awful and I couldn't even express myself to the dang psychologist examining me.

All the memory stuff he asked me? Got it. Being bipolar? Couldn't even explain it.

I hate myself right now.