Dear T,

So I've been thinking and mulling things over and I've decided that I must know why you chose to withhold from me last week. I feel that pretty much any way you answer it though, it will not fix things

If you say it was because of my disclosure the week before, I view that as a huge misinterpretation and grossly indicative of my fear all along: that you read into every little ****ing thing I say or don't say or my facial expressions to the nth degree. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, for lack of a better phrase. I am NOT a ****ing case study! I am a person with real feelings, real pain, a life and huge problems here!!!

If you deny it, it will prove you are full of ****. I will NOT believe you!

If you say it was because I was angry well....then I guess you cannot be with my level of rage. You should've told me that early on, T!

I just don't know what to do. I worry you will turn this on me. I worry you've tried to create a fake rupture which is manipulative, even if to help me. I call it bull ****!

And all this is making me doubt everything. I feel like you offered me that extra session as a ploy and I went against my better judgment and accepted it. I feel like I fell into your trap.

Look - I need someone to give a ****. That is all. I don't need power struggles and mind games. Why can't you just be up front with me? I won't break! Stop protecting me from myself, please!!