Hi- this is the OP again. I completely 100 % agree with the last post. It's been a while since the original post and not much has changed. I've developed a thicker skin where my kids are concerned and see the value in modeling a strong, responsible parent (mom- I'm female) for them to see. I've had friends and family comment on how I seem to be more relaxed and connected with my kids which has given me the motivation to stay steadfast. Spouse is adamant that it won't happen again, but that's besides the point for me. The affair was a symptom of a larger problem that has been there all along. Since my feelings haven't changed it's only a matter of time before it happens again. Not to cast stones at him-he's only human and obviously had a need that wasn't being filled and will continue to be unfulfilled in the current situation. The issue now is that he refuses to leave and denies to anyone that we're having anything more than "a few troubles"- he's really concerned with appearances. As such he has no support and is petrified of being alone with zero plans for life going forward. I find it supremely frustrating to be patient yet firm and am quickly realizing that I will have to be the "bad guy" and initiate everything, from telling the kids and family to actually moving out. I realize the dangers of being the one to leave and plan to see a lawyer to draft a document that shields me from an abandonment charge when I do leave. I'm looking for a higher paying job, saving every penny I can, and combing for rentals that I can afford as he's "not sure" he can afford to help out. So, basically, like most of the people here, my situation sucks, but I'm holding onto the hope that the situation is temporary and that my LIFE doesn't necessarily have to suck too. Thanks for your words!!