At this point I think it is imperative that you get the help you need and follow your therapist's advice. It sounds like you have been through a major trama with the loss of your friends and need help coping with it. Please seriously consider what your therapist is suggesting. Keep yourself safe.
Carrie

<font color=blue>If you have two dollars, spend one on bread and the other on flowers. The bread will feed your body and the flowers will feed your soul."--Arabic Saying