So I have always been reserved with speech but I felt that my sarcasm and actual intelligence held me up as a conversationalist. I just feel like all of a sudden I lost contact with what people actually talk about when in social circumstances. I've heard the term "shoot the ****" and of course the saying "********ting". I guess I never really put much thought into what they actually meant until I started going through psychosis. I felt like a lot of people were calling me out about drinking too much or not talking enough, and generally not getting "it". But now after checking with a close confidant that was around me A LOT during my last few months of social gatherings, she says she never recalls any of that being said by anyone. Actually in fact that I kept to myself so much and didn't start any unnecessary drama that I was rather well liked and respected. In the beginning I noticed people mentioning and talking about drugs way more than I ever had noticed, I figured it was just what people were into. There was a lot of slang terms for the drugs that I didn't know so I just drifted off and didn't pay much attention, but somewhere through out the conversations I started to think that the conversations were some how directed at or about me even though drugs still seemed to be the main focus. The best way I can describe it is this: I felt like you had to make inanimate things alive, like drugs, and talk for them then other people would call out what you were talking about and then next talk to the point that they were talking as someone else, by using their mannerisms and their verbal habits, and others had to know who they were supposed to be. But they wouldn't just say who you were talking about instead they too would make something else inatimate come alive (here's where "be real" comes in) but do it as the person who was intially being talking would say it and so on and so forth. I heard the term "be real" more times then I can count and eventually I began to think "Real" had a something to do with being able to talk as other people. And if you were always yourself and never impersonating another person for entertainment purposes and to sport game than you weren't exciting to be around or "in the moment". You would have to make people and objects/items be as close to the 5 senses as you could make them without actually directly mentioning who or what it was, that was the game. I felt like there was a lot of circle talking going around and eventually I started accusing people of "talking around me" or "talking at me not to me".

I know this is rather hard to follow and perhaps psychotic sounding but I would appreciate any feedback and your interpretation of what I said.