Things are developing rapidly and not in a good way. I have still been unable to find financial support and have literally exhausted every phone number, address and email address I could find.

I snapped and felt empty and was laughing and cackling at the thought of some serious violent things. Thank god I'm able to regain control.

And now it's happened a few times before where I'll feel empty and my pulse gets a bit slower and weaker and my body lightly trembles and there are times where it feels like my hands go numb and my mind is so foggy.

I don't think my body can keep up with my mind, is this even BPD anymore? I feel like I have no emotions toward anything that I should. I don't feel like I have the right emotional reactions that other people have.