Last time I checked the truth has never been fatal, it's what we choose to do with the knowledge that counts.

Don't let your fears rule you, this is when we start to become melodramatic or downright irrational.

Again. Acceptance is what you do, but you are resisting it with all your might.

That energy you are putting into resisting, begging/obsessing over "real" answers, that energy could be put to much better use.

Like acceptance, moving on, starting a new life...

You will always go back to contacting him because you refuse to place him in your past, you are trying to force him into your present by attempting to be friends.

This is not healthy at all, and bordering on illegal as well because you're basically stalking and forcing contact even after he blocks you.

Besides the fact that you end up harrassing him with this behaviour, you chip away at your own self-respect everytime you make contact, and again each time he ignores you.

This means that when you are finally ready to say "enough of this bullshyt" and accept the situation as is, you will have EXTRA work to do besides healing from the hurt of being rejected. You will need to work on self-esteem, self-respect, obsessive behaviour / boundaries AND the loss of someone you love.

I think you should re-evaluate your actions rationally.