I always run through past experiences before I can even try to sleep.. and they usually tell me about how I am feeling in the present. i'm not sure if these are classed as 'flashbacks' or what! Anyway..

In my mind the other night I came across an incident I haven't thought about in maybe 2 years. It was me expressing to my Mum how I felt - in tears/anger and then her physically assaulting me for it. (I was i think 15/16years old - i'm 20 now)

I then remembered that there is a recording of this one incident. - Your probably thinking why do you have a recording... well, when my father was abusive, my mum used to get my younger brother and I to record him so she could use it in court/ for social workers etc against him - So i guess it just became the norm for my brother and I to record things if we felt unsafe. I guess proof or something.

It's not that bad (well not to me, but that just could be me). The question is: do you think I should let T listen to it? It's only like 2/3mins long. I know she understands me, but maybe this will help a little more with understanding why I can't express sadness and come across as confident/happy me? It might help me to stop dwelling on it and listening to it too, if I let her...

But then i'm sacred of it 'bringing us closer' and 'forming a connection' - her understanding me more - I'm afraid of this whole maternal transference thing I experienced with my teacher who then left me like everyone else.

I cringe when I think about showing her the recording, but I feel maybe I should?

Anybody ever had an experience with this or any advice?

Would be appreciated! Thanks