UPDATE #3:
I just want to close my eyes and sleep. What really sucks is that it’s not that bad, but all I can see is the bad. I guess I need to de-construct and state the reality of the myth in my head:
Myth: I’m a failure because I didn’t work on my fiction.
Reality: I’ve journaled nearly 2,000 words on my personal thoughts. Working out my emotions by typing them out to keep sanity is just as valuable and productive as writing fiction.
Myth: I’m a horrible Mom for letting my husband help with her while I’m trying to cope with my feelings.
Reality: I walked in the neighborhood with my daughter today, I held her little hand, and we had a long and peaceful talk and walk.
Myth: The jeans I bought today would look better on me if I were several sizes smaller.
Reality: My bum actually looks better when I’m heavier, the jeans highlight my best asset without being trashy-looking, and I have beautiful hair, eyes, and figure when I really make the effort.
Myth: There’s no use in eating healthy because it’s easier to give up and just stay fat.
Reality: I have great eating habits, even at my heavier weight. If I stay consistent and try to recognize stress eating and replace it with something else, I’d feel better for it over time. I may even go down a few sizes.
I guess today hasn’t been too bad. I’m still discouraged about writing and my co-worker basically ignoring me, but I know that’s probably another lie too because he’s dealing with some major business deals with his brand right now and is most likely just caught up in work. Hell, I should be caught up in work, but I’m just stuck. I’ve reached out to a lady writer friend to ask how she handles these times – she always gives great advice. All I can say is writing isn’t for the faint of heart. It’s a long, grueling, but rewarding process that involves a lot of lonely time. I guess lonely is a state of mind. Maybe my characters will keep me company soon. For my family’s incomes sake, I sure as hell hope so. Thanks for reading.