(((((((((((((((((((((Jax))))))))))))))))))))))

In December 2004 I was at my lowest point in my life. It began as what I like to call "The Breakdown". Its almost as if I became a different person. Prior to "the breakdown" I was always angry, snappy, *****y, matter of fact and for the most part I thought my %#@&#! didn't stink. It wasn't until after my therapy, meds and analyzing my prior behavior did I come to the conclusion that I was very, very unhappy with life, my life and I finally realized that I was not a very nice person (to say the very least). I viewed my breakdown as a good thing, but only after I came to terms with who I was prior and spent so much energy trying to avoid becoming who I was before.

Since 2004, early 2005, I began a transformation, or at least that is what I call it, an awakening. I realized I hated who I was and wanted to change, for me, for my family because when it comes down to it, family is the core of all things peaceful and safe. I still have a long way to go as far as mental growth and personal acceptance, but I think I have come a long way.

So you see, being angry, snappy and *****y causes me concern and worry. I could accept this anger as stress, but I am afraid to grant my agitation a free pass because it can only lead to old behaviors and old attitudes.

As far as my friend that I think was flirting with Jackson, it still bothers me although I have calmed down a little since earlier. Maybe I am being overly sensative. or maybe I am just a %#@&#! freak.