When I first started this job, it was a god send. The pay was really good and my boss was laid back and low maintenance. I also supported a couple other managers with their work flow. Almost a year ago, I was transferred to one of those managers as the majority of my work was now coming from them and they really needed a permanent extra pair of hands.

This manager is the complete opposite of my former boss. She's a high-maintenance, micromanaging workaholic. My former boss is also her boss and the company president all think she is the best thing since sliced bread, so complaining isn't going to get me anywhere and I know it. She figuratively browbeats me if a tiny mistake is made, like a missing comma type of mistake, like its the end of the world. She is also moody and when I arrive to work in the mornings I am always trying to anticipate her mood.

The past six months have been especially bad. I can't deny that I've made many mistakes (I've caught her mistakes, too, to be fair) and it seems the harder I try, the worse I get. I dread going to work and I spend my weekends just worrying about work.

She sat me down twice in the past few weeks to address my work quality and how unhappy she is with it. And like I said, I can't deny that I've made a number of mistakes and had several lapses in memory (which is not like me at all), so they were frustrating meetings with me crying and not knowing what is wrong or how to fix it. And it wasn't really until last month that I realized that I was experiencing symptoms of anxiety and depression after 10 years of being pretty stable.

I started seeking a therapist at that time, which has been difficult because everyone is booked for several weeks out. I had a brief phone consultation with one and my first appointment is on the 26th.

At our second meeting, I did tell my boss that I was seeking help for anxiety and depression and that seemed to change her whole tone. She seemed to think that we can wipe the slate clean and that we can start over, but I've heard that before.

I feel so trapped. I need this job. I can't afford to not have this job. I've thought about selling everything off and cashing everything out and trying to live off that for a few months or moving to a new state or something. I've thought about changing jobs, but I'm actually terrified of when my boss finds out that I'm looking for another job. I'm also scared that I won;t be able to find a job that pays as well, especially since I can't afford to take a pay cut.

I am currently going to school, as well, working towards a BA in Economics, but I'm only halfway through and I don't want to rack up a bunch of student loan debt in addition to the debt I already have.

Like I said, I feel so trapped and hopeless. I feel like the only end to this ends up with me getting fired and I've put in 5 good years in this company and it would just kill me to have it end that way.

Anyways, I'm done rambling for now. I know I've taken the first step and sought help, but even so, I don't see this situation improving. Maybe that's just the depression talking, but I don't know what is real anymore and what isn't. It feels goods just to type it all out and sort of purge it from my psyche before I start another work week.