Sorry to hear you're doing so bad. A lot of what you said reminds me of the wonderful book, The Buddha and the Borderline. It's a great read and she runs into a similar problem. (Her bf lives with his ex. yikes lol)

This is just me, but I don't have my own BPD and other things handled yet so I decided that I wouldn't be searching for a date. My BPD came to flourish during a relationship that we had both invested over 7 years into. We decided to break it off so I could focus on growing and becoming independent for myself and not relying on him all of the time. (We're still good friends, etc. etc.)

Another part though, was he is literally unable to understand. I mean, I don't even understand myself and BPD half the time and I HAVE IT! @_@ So I can't really expect him to understand it any better.

My best advice would be to try and understand where he is coming from and in a relationship where one or more people have BPD, it's hard on all parties. I often made my ex feel like his problems could never amount to the **** I had to deal with in my head on a daily basis. But he is only human and he has breaking points and emotions and feelings too. I didn't understand that well enough when we were together and now I wonder how awful and truly alone he must have felt.

If you think your boyfriend is doing things to piss you off on purpose, talk with him. Don't be with someone like that. Could you show him a few things of BPD, any examples of people, movies, books, have him look into things? Not promising it will fix everything but it did help a bit in my relationship when my ex decided to start his own researching and emailing people, etc.

Also try(easier said than done) to remember that a lot of what you might be thinking and feeling could be the BPD. For me personally, I never know if what I'm thinking is what I really think or not because it changes rapidly.

I'm really sorry to hear you're feeling icky again, and it sounds cliche but we are always here for you. At least there's some people who somewhat understand and have had similar experiences. Helps to know you're not alone.

I hope things get better.