I hate that after so many years I still react at such a subconscious physical level to stuff that my Pdoc says or writes. I asked him recently by email if we could talk about therapy attachment next session. I explained the stuff I'd read on here, and that I couldn't see the whole romantic/maternal/paternal psychotherapeutic attachment with us, and could we discuss it academically next session (we often talk about different concepts in psychotherapy and psychiatry in general, and he doesn't dumb stuff down for me). He replied to my email and said 'Great question! Best we talk about it in person...' and he mentioned an author called David Manns. Turns out David Manns seems to write a lot on embracing transference love and erotic transference, as long as boundaries aren't violated, as a way to further the therapeutic process by tapping into more primal parts of the brain and using the concept of 'Eros' not just as sexual desire, but passion, creativity, fertility of ideas, and so on. Now logically I know this guy isn't saying 'Go bonk your therapist', and I know my Pdoc is absolutely ethical and would never, ever even remotely think of going there with me, but even so my first reaction when I saw the titles of some of this guy's books was like 'Oh hell the f*** no!' *instant bodily panic*

This is obviously something I need to discuss with my Pdoc, but has anyone else talked about this stuff with their T or Pdoc after being previously abused in therapy? How did it go? I thought I'd be okay with it, because it started out as purely academic interest, but then I got triggered and I don't want my Pdoc to feel bad or like he's done something wrong. Intellectually I can see what this author he recommended is talking about, and I agree with a lot of it, but physically my body is responding like 'RUN!'. I trust my Pdoc wholeheartedly, and I hate when I respond like this in a way that feels beyond my conscious control.