I have had depression my entire life. I was put in court-appointed therapy when I was 5 years old, but for my parents divorce/custody issues. But depression runs in my family. So my illness was always KNOWN. I have felt boxed in by my family's opinion of me. They try to support me, but not ways that I need... in ways they THINK I need.

I thought my mother was my biggest supporter. Damn, did my bubble of comfort burst a few weeks ago. I was devasted when I didn't think I could get any lower (emotionally).

She kept suggesting "solutions," and got upset with me when I said no to some of them (when I KNEW it wouldn't work for me). She said I wasn't trying... like I wanted to stay sick or just too lazy to try. She kept asking how I was feeling, she was trying to "understand." I got soooo mad. I have already explained how it "feels" until I was blue in the face. It was like twisting in the knife when I was already bleeding out. We got into a fight. I didn't understand why I had to keep explaining over and over and over.

She didn't understand why my depression kept coming back. It wasn't until that moment that I realized she thought it was CURABLE. This is who I am. I have been looking for ways to live healthy and productively and she... was looking for my "solution." I felt so unbelievably betrayed. I thought she saw me. I thought she heard me. But she had made up her mind that I was like my father before I even spoke a word.

I decided... after A LOT of deep breathing and some space... that it wasn't her fault. I must not have explained it well enough, but that didn't MATTER. I don't have to explain it to anyone. I'm the only one who has to understand. My mother loves me and means well, but I am only that can find what works for me. Which is totally freaking scary. I worry that if I haven't figured it out yet, then I never will... but that sounds an aweful lot like giving up. F**k that. As long as I have a choice, I have options.

I know that being "outed" makes you feel like exposed and vulnerable to their opinions of you. But it is YOUR opinion that matters. Do not let them make you feel belittled. You do not need to feel ashamed. The fact that you have to struggle more to live "normal" makes you stronger than anyone else, because you are surviving. If you feel like you need time, then ask her for it. She might not give it to you, but if you tell her that you want to tell them YOUR way, in your words... she owes you the opportunity. It is your life. They are your family too, not just her's.

I don't know if anything I said helped you, because we have the opposite situations with the same result. The only thing that helped me was knowing that their perspectives (even though I love them) doesn't count. Mine does. No one can make me feel any certain way unless I let them. MY struggles are my own. Therefore, only my "solution" can help.

I wish you the best and hope that find the peace of mind that you need. Keep breathing and this too shall pass.