I am so sorry to hear you are going through this. Know that you are not alone. I think what would help you the most is learning to take care of yourself. You need to know that you ARE strong enough to stabilize yourself. Any little thing will help. Try journaling, daily affirmations, meditation, light therapy, what ever it takes to turn those negative thoughts into positive ones. You are WORTH it, you DESERVE happiness.

I feel the same way, in fact I was suicidal 3 weeks ago and was hospitalized for it. I am feeling better but not great, so in order to get out of bed and go to work, i tell myself "today is going to be a good day, you are okay today, you deserve to be happy" try to turn the negative thinking into positive thinking.

I hope you find peace and happiness soon. You have a whole community of people here for you anytime you need them!