I found this information thought-provoking. And I agree with it, to a point.

The part I agree with is that if a person has been rejected in childhood by parents who didn't take care of them, then they often do enter therapy with that wish for the t to be the parent they never had who would love and protect them.

What I don't agree with is the viewpoint that those of us who struggle with the wish to be special to our t, or to be rescued when we are in pain, are purposely being helpless, manipulative, and passive agressive. I find these statements repugnant:

The desire comes from a learned helplessness, that people will swoop in and do the uncomfortable work for them, it allows them to stay in a childlike place for longer. Sometimes it is sheer manipulation of wish for attention or proof that someone really cares about them, a test if you like. Or sometimes it's a passive aggressive way of getting needs met.

There is much more behind the scenes than a selfish desire to be adored by our t's. Many of us have come from homes where we were treated like dirt, worthless, unloved, etc. Many of us also underwent some horrific events where we were in need of protection and didn't get it - such as being physically or se*ually abused. Naturally, we are going to enter therapy with some pretty deep needs to know that somebody in our life finally gives a crap about us, cares what happens to us, and will help us if we need it.

Obviously, over time, we learn (usually painfully!) that our t can't give us everything we missed out on as a child. That realization can feel devastating. The idea of having to deal with our own pain, and resolve our own traumas, can feel terrifying. After all, it brings back memories of having to do that as a child -- being in dire straits, alone, so afraid, and with nobody to gave a damn or help us.

It takes time to learn how to face these traumas and learn how to be our own parent and rescuer. For some of us, it's the hardest thing we will ever learn.

To characterize those of us who struggle in this way as "manipulative" or 'passive agressive" is not only simplistic, but very judgemental.