Quote:
Originally Posted by PeeJay
I can totally relate to your obsession with teachers. I did this, too. So much so that when I graduated from high school, I cried for a straight week and kept in touch with those same teachers all through college.
Then in college, I latched onto my professors.
Then at my first jobs, I latched onto my bosses.
I was mothered and fathered by so many different people over the years.
I'm learning self-soothe skills now. "Parts work" really helps with that. Where some enlightened grown up part of you comforts and talks lovingly to the childlike parts that are stuck in the past.
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My issue now is learning how to differentiate "unhealthy attachment" from "normal healthy relationship with an adult". T says the difference is that with the former, I can only see things from my perspective and am not respecting the other person's boundaries, but with the latter, I am transparent with them and try to see things from their point of view and respect their boundaries.
If only it was that simple!
T feels like my relationship with current mentor-figure (who happens to be an instructor at my school) is healthy because I'm respecting her boundaries and being honest with her, but I think it's unhealthy because it feels like the same sort of relationship with former teachers or ED T or Trauma T from when I was fourteen. Probably not for any rational reason, but simply because I feel just as good around her as I felt with all those people, and she thinks I'm special (and has said so) just like all those other people did. So, it's tough. I'm still learning.