Peaches, if there's one thing I'd like to share with you that I had to learn the hard way, it's that stating your needs upfront and giving other people the choice whether to fill them or not will always feel better than "manipulating" (that's a word I hate and don't usually use, but I can't think of a better word right now) people into meeting your needs. Then you will know that they're doing what they want because they want to instead of worrying about whether you "made" them do it. And then you can use that honesty to build healthy relationships based on reality instead of based on your fantasy of having needs met in a certain way. (I had to learn this the hard way too!) It takes a lot of courage to make yourself vulnerable by being honest, but other people will respect you so much for it.