Thanks for your response Rohag. To answer a few of your questions. I'm pretty aware about what's going on with my physical health. I keep up with my yearly exams..etc. I have always suffered from low self-esteem and Social anxiety which in turn drives the depression. My GP has me on Wellbutrin. I have been on it for about a year. All it takes for the depression to rear its ugly head, is to feel rejected in some way. I know I really could use a good therapist to help me see things in a different light. You get so used to thinking the same limiting and destructive thoughts, it's almost impossible to change.

I want to try meditation and I know I definitely need to get out there more. It's a catch 22. You know you need people, but then you are disappointed by them at every turn. I'm a very avoidant personality, so if I'm not comfortable around somebody or some place. I avoid them/it. This has caused me to feel so disconnected from life. I struggle right now with these tendencies, but my responsibilities/children keep me going. I am afraid, if I don't change...this loneliness and depression is going to follow me into my golden years and cut my life short. I am healthy physically...why can't I be mentally? I wish I could just sit around and ponder how to be a better person, but I just don't have the luxury to do that. My laundry is piling up! HA! Thanks, again!