I am losing my battle with depression. I go back and forth between being depressed and feeling pretty okay. This has gone on all my life. The last 3 to 4 years have been the worst of my life. This period got started by loss of employment. It seems I manage to pull out of it temporarily, only to lapse back into it.

I used to think that I could manage with that pattern, knowing the bad intervals won't last forever and will be followed by intervals of feeling okay. I had a good interval from mid-October till Christmas. It was the best I've done in a few years. Then it collapsed. Since Christmas, I've been depressed. I come out of it for spurts, only to collapse back in, each time feeling weaker.

I'm becoming a mess . . . staying in bed way too much . . . and not doing much when I get out of bed.

I feel like this is getting dangerous . . . that I am becoming physically a wreck from inactivity. I feel like I have to just make myself change. Then I fail to do that, and I feel hopeless. I'm afraid to tell anyone how bad I've been getting. (except here.) Maybe this will just blow over. Sometimes that has happened.