I can only relate to the sad tone in your post. I am sad too, but I am not chronically depressed.

Here are my two cents: You have a heavy load to carry around and it cannot go without side-effects. But therapy or counseling is not the only place to get help, specially if is has not worked for you.

One suggestion I can think of is a support group. Cancer Survivors support group. It is different than Cancer Patients support group. They deal with life and death issues from another perspective, they also deal with a different kind of grief, sort of unique, and I am sure will touch on things you might be going through.

I don't know where you are at, otherwise I'd give you a phone number for you to call, just in case you are interested.

Good luck to you.

gab