Well, long story short, I accidentally fell in love with a friend and I wasn't going to say anything because I knew it was going to be a problem. But he noticed that I liked him (apparently I didn't realize how obvious I was) and he brought it up. I had it in my subconsciousness and when we had to talk about it came up into my consciousness and we went to a party that night and we both got really wasted and from what I remember, he made out with me and held me for a long time. And it'll sound crazy, but no one has ever shown physical affection towards me…at least not to where I could feel anything. I finally had one of the things I wanted…to be held and actually feel something…to feel loved. Now, deep down I know and understand why we can't be together, but you just can't show someone love who's never known it and then take it away like that and not have that person feel about as low as possible. And of course, my feelings didn't magically go away even after I knew we couldn't be together (I mean, I knew that the whole time, that's why I was keeping it in my subconscious until it went away, I just wasn't quick enough).